Thursday, February 16, 2012

The Ramblings of a Foggy Brain

The time just keeps creeping by me. Another Valentine's day come and gone. Really though, I have to say that I'm so spoiled that A does everything in her power to make me feel special everyday. My feelings for and dependence on her are so overpowering sometimes.

Several weeks ago she asked what I wanted to do or where I wanted to go to celebrate. My choice was to have dinner at home and I made her promise no flowers or candy. We already exchanged gifts a couple weeks ago. I had the day off from work but unfortunately A got stuck at work late so when she came home she asked; "How much is your heart set on lobster tonight? I'm too tired to cook."

No problem here...I settled for a V-day dinner of pizza and then some messing around. The lobster tails are still in the fridge. No worries though, this weekend is supposed to be nice enough that she can grill them. Mmmmmm.....

I've been in such a weird, foggy state of mind the last month. Sitting around kind of duh-looking (is they even a description?). I've hardly picked up my camera and can't seem to focus on getting anything done. I finally broke down and bought a Kindle. I didn't think I would enjoy reading on it as much as I have. That's one of the things that lead to my foggy state of mind. If I'm into a story, everything else disappears. I was thinking that I really should just copy my emails to Sarcastic Bastard here and be done with it. Those emails tell the tale of my life these days. I guess that my need to write gets satisfied there. Ah, how I love that woman!...or my "soul sister" as I affectionately refer to her.

Last week started out with an evil boss and a lost puppy I found in the middle of a deserted country road (he wasn't hurt and later reunited with his owners). Then Wednesday I got a call from my mom to tell me an ex had died. He and I dated on-and-off  for a year or so. Our personalities never did fit, we couldn't get along and basically had a "fight-or-fuck" relationship. Very unhealthy and dysfunctional and I broke it off when I came to the realization that I was only repeating the patterns of my parents and found myself morphing into a person I didn't like.

Anyway he was only 39 (just turned at the end of December) and the obituary said he died in his home. Yeah the small-town rumor mill was running full force that he had committed suicide. We had vaguely kept in contact through the years but it had been over a year since I talked to him last even though he lived only 6 miles from me.

Mom and I went to the wake Friday night and even though it's sad when someone so young passes, I was relieved to talk to his family and find out it was "natural causes". He had been diagnosed with an enlarged heart recently, had a heart attack in his home and was dead by the time the ambulance arrived. At the wake I saw a lot of people I haven't seen in years and we visited and shared memories with family and friends. The worst part was dealing with my mom who is so high drama about everything. I listened to her and tried to be patient but when we were standing in line at the funeral home and she turns and says to me in that accusing tone; "Mel, don't you feel anything?! Do you even care that he died." Ugh! That was when I had it with her! Just because I don't bawl and blubber for the whole world to see. *rolls eyes*

The whole experience did color my mood the rest of the weekend. I was discussing with A the realization at how much I compartmentalize my memories. It seems that when I'm finished with a chapter in my life, I shut those memories away and just don't think about them anymore. Most of my memories these days start when A entered my life because that's the chapter I'm in right now. Having to open the chapter from that part of my life just threw me for a loop. I don't know if I'm even describing this in any way that makes sense but I suppose it's a very unhealthy way of dealing with things. I bet it will back up on me someday and I'll end up on the shrink's couch. :)

A and I spent the whole day together Saturday in Minneapolis at the RV show. We're not in the market for buying but love to go see what's new on the market. When the time comes to upgrade I highly doubt we will be buying anything new anyway but will have a really good idea of what options/layout we want. Last year we spent the day looking in EVERY motorhome, 5th wheel, trailer and pop-up there. This year we focused.

Here's A looking pretty bad-ass behind the wheel of a big Class A motorcoach. (Actually I think this pic caught her off guard).

It satisfied the need we are both having to bring our little RV home. We have definite plans to finish painting the interior and some other minor upgrades. We already are planning trips; heading to visit my brother early June and back out to the Black Hills in South Dakota and Wyoming at the end of September.

So I guess once I got writing, I seemed to have overcome my block...who knew! We added 2 members to our ballooning family since the start of 2012. I adopted Cassie in early January and A adopted LuLu in early February.
Popper and Jill we will make official later this year I'm sure. That will put us at 8...the pack of eight that is such a great balance. I know, I know there are some rolling their eyes...