Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Posted by Mel's Way or No Way at 9:54 PM
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Another fucking snowstorm and 8 more inches added to the count. Actually, I've lost count and we're running out of places to put the snow. Our driveway is already a tunnel. Luckily it's a short work week and the count down is on for that generic repetitive Christmas music in the office to be finished. A and I have been up late for days and it's thrown my whole schedule off.
I'm not finished shopping for A and I think we may make it to Christmas again this year before opening gifts. Last year was the first in 10 years together that we actually made it to the holiday. I think the earliest we ever opened was December 19th and that year we were leaving on vacation the 26th and wanted to have enough time to play with our new toys. We figure we are adults and can have Christmas any damn time we want! I have yet to wrap any of A's gifts so that helps. She has gifts for me wrapped and under the tree. Too bad that one of the dogs, and we can only guess which one, grabbed one of my gifts while in a play frenzy this evening and tore the wrapping paper off. There was much cussing but I didn't see anything. I did buy myself an early little gift, these super warm homemade mittens.
We overloaded in holiday things this weekend with shopping, baking and I finally sat down and did my cards. I doubt many people will get them before Christmas this year and I really don't care...they will get them before the New Year. I've decided I'm not accepting any more complaints for the rest of the year. Mom and I baked cookies Sunday...and of course we always overdo it. Neither of us want all these to eat and since Dad and my brother are gone from the area, we don't have many places to get rid of them. I guess some traditions just don't die. I did make some special little bone-shaped sugar cookies for the dogs and put just a tiny swipe of frosting. That will be their holiday treat.
I've never been much of a fan of Heart. When I was growing up they were into the 80's pop and ballads stage. A on the other hand, loves them as the 70's rocker chicks. She saw them when she was 16 and then we saw them at Lilith this summer. We were really close to the stage.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
It's cold, cold and fucking cold out there! That's my life here now and I'm sorry for the repetition. So another weekend at home, 20 inches of snow, wind, drifting, everything in the lower half of the state closed down. Even the roof of the Metrodome collapsed and now the poor Vikings are homeless. As if I care. I wouldn't care much normally and I care even less now.
As I stood outside shoveling poop fields for the dogs, bundled up so much I resembled the little brother from "A Christmas Story", with wind gusts blowing snow in my face, I should have known it was a sign...stormy weather coming back into my life. It's been too quiet for too long. The barometer drops and everyone goes crazy.
My dad and his family and my mom are all just getting into the game again. Dad has always been a master manipulator, now throw in a stroke, dementia, depression and the loss of control (over his body and his life) and you have manipulation to the extreme. He calls people, pushing buttons, trying to play people against each other, twisting things said/did to suit his purpose. I haven't talked to him in weeks until this weekend. I would call over and over but he wouldn't answer his phone. Friday night mom calls telling me that dad wants to come back to Minnesota, he's lonely, scared, etc. Then she's spewing all this stuff about how he's not being fed or properly cared for and on, and on, and on. I try to calm her down...I want to talk to him myself. So Sunday I finally get a chance and I just listen. I tell him that if he wants to come back to MN we can try to get things arranged but it's not going to be something that can be done overnight. He has unrealistic expectations about returning here and trying to live on his own. I know that in reality he won't be any happier living here. His condition will be the same, he will have the same complaints and the manipulations will continue. I spoke to my older brother to get his perspective and we both agreed that at least until spring we are not even going to consider moving him back.
Tonight is my late night at work and I came home to find the nastiest, rude message from my dad's sister on my voicemail. I haven't spoken to her since October, but she was accusing me of things and honestly I had no idea what she was talking about....but I have a pretty good idea where this is coming from. Honestly, throughout everything I've felt very appreciative of all that she's taken on helping dad. I realize what a lot of work it has been for her. So now I'm still awake, I have to work tomorrow and there is nothing more frustrating that getting those kinds of messages late at night when there is nothing you can say or do about them at the time. Maybe it's for the best since when I get so angry, I cry and then it's hard to communicate. But shit, it really fucks up my sleep cycle!
Really, all I want is peace and quiet. Just living my life here with A, taking care of the pups, doing my rescue duties, taking care of the things I need to and otherwise just finding happiness in what I can. I don't like people interfering in my life and try to extend the same courtesies to others. I'm really at the point of washing my hands with the whole situation and with every drama, I'm finding the sense of duty and the guilt I carry around about "being there" slipping away.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Beware, I've got some bad karma going. I woke up this morning with a migraine. You just know the state of mind you're going to be in for the day when you wake up with a headache like that. I immediately grabbed 2 Excedrin and a cup of coffee. I wanted to stay home but that wasn't an option today. Instead I spent most of the day squinting at the light.
It was -9 degrees this morning so I started my car to let it warm up before heading out to work. I looked up to see the check engine light on. I sighed with annoyance...I just went through this in August when my catalytic converter went bad and the light came on. My car was running fine...the light wasn't doing the scary blinking so I'm just blamed it on some sensor/cold weather glitch. I can hope, right?
I left for work and as I turned onto one of the back country roads, I heard the small ting of a rock hitting my windshield then a whoosh....a 2.5 foot crack across my windshield. At this point I've only been awake a total of one hour. It was truly tempting to turn around, return home and call-in dead to work.
And yes, the root canal I had later that morning was the best part of my day. I just got to lay back for over an hour, close my eyes and relax. I've been trying to convince myself for weeks I didn't need it but my boss told me today it was time. He was right as usual and tonight I'm happy to be able to eat, drink and breathe without making faces and twitching.
Now I'm going to put this day to bed and I'm hoping for a better one tomorrow. It has to get better...afterall they're predicting a 30 degree heat wave tomorrow. Pull out the bikini!
Monday, December 6, 2010
Let me truly express that... I'M FUCKING COLD! This winter seems to be worse than usual for me. I can't get warm, even when it's 72 degrees in here, I'm under the heating blanket and down comforter, snuggled up to A and surrounded by dogs. Add that heating blanket to my list of things I'm thankful for these days. My toes and fingers are icy all the time. Let's just say it like it is...cold hands are NOT sexy and no one wants to get frisky with a woman with frozen fingers. Well maybe some of you are into that kind of thing.
Friday afternoon we got hit with another winter storm. I was stuck at work until 5pm since I was closing. This is what it looks like to drive 25 snowy miles in the dark in white-out conditions. Yeah, that's the road ahead and my headlights.
I got everything accomplished this past weekend that I had on my list and still squeezed a couple naps in too. I started Christmas shopping without stepping one foot in a store. I'm all prepared for the adoption Meet & Greet I scheduled at one of the pet supply stores next week. I've got to get some of this crew adopted. Even though I'm freezing, I was a good GF and went out walking with A; just bundled up in snow-pants, parka and boots and hiked through the snow pretending to enjoy myself. I can't spend all winter on the couch not moving no matter how much I really want to. I just keep thinking warm thoughts.
Posted by Mel's Way or No Way at 11:40 PM
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Tuesday I got the call I was dreading. At lunch I checked my phone and had a message from another rescuer. I knew there was someone from Oklahoma interested in adopting Nifty. Looks like everything was in order and now it was time to get her transported.
I was not prepared for this. I cry each time one of my fosters gets adopted; it's such a strange mixture of happiness and loss. Nonetheless, I have my cry and then I'm okay. But Nifty is different. First I'm really attached to her. I love all the dogs that come through my door, even the naughty Cassie (dog #8), but sometimes A or I will find ourselves especially bonded to one. Secondly, I have a hard time just handing a foster dog over to someone without getting a chance to meet and observe their new family myself. I really am a control freak. I just have so much emotionally invested in them, that I like to personally see them through to the end of the journey. If it were summer, I think A and I would have packed up the RV and delivered her ourselves. Nifty is one who has been in rescue for over 2 years and been through several foster homes. When she came here in July, I promised her that she wouldn't be moved again until she was going to her forever home.
Tuesday I spent the rest of my afternoon at work trying not to cry. I'm teary and bleary eyed and wearing a mask, so my nose is running. It's just not the best for working but I struggled through the last 3 hours. Then I came home and parked on the couch with Nifty in my lap and a box of Kleenex just sobbing. All the other chins are climbing up too--they get so concerned when we are upset or cry. A tried to comfort me...that just made it worse. She went to work out and give me my space.
Later that evening I checked my email only to receive a message that the transport was cancelled. I'm not sure if the potential adopter had issues or just lost interest but for now Nifty is still here with me. If the adopter lost interest, I'm glad she did before we up-rooted this dog again. I was excited and laughing as I read the email to A and she shook her head at me laughing, "Well you certainly just turned off the tears like flipping a switch". So for now Nifty is here snuggling next to me and I'm not sure how long I have. I'm know I'm on borrowed time.