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Monday, April 19, 2010

The Rummage Sale...by Guest blogger, "A"

Since I'm too tired mentally, emotionally and physically from this past weekend, I invited my sweetie to share a story about yours truly. When it happened Friday she told me I should make it a blog post but I don't think I could have described myself as well as she can. Hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: In no way did Melissa influence or have control over any my posting..I won't let her.

Hello, Mels way or no way friends.......I really feel the need to share my experiences of this past weekend, especially of the big rummage sale. Now mind you, my sweetie, Mel and I have discussed having this event since last fall.  It was time to get rid of some shit so we can BUY more new shit that we can sell 5 years down the road.  We had planned to set up Saturday, but since our plans for Friday evening changed, it was decided to set up early for Friday sales. As soon as I set out the first few items, it sparked interest with people DOWN THE BLOCK. I was waiting for Mel to bring out some more stuff, needed to run in and get some change, AND grab more stuff to set up....needless to say, we did get most of our shit out there. We were both standing in the yard and quietly conversing during a lull, when a gentleman approached us, asking about a surround sound system. Mel immediately backs up and let's me handle the "sale". No problem. A few minutes later, I needed to grab something from in the house, and I ask Mel to "mind the store":
ME: "Hey hon, can you keep an eye on this stuff?"
Mel: (Eyes widen, pupils dilate, nostrils flare.)  Suspicious voice: "where are you going?"
ME: "just in the house, I gotta grab blahblablah"
Mel: "what if someone comes?!?"
ME: "handle the sale..."
Mel: "What?!? I can't negotiate! You're the negotiator!"
ME: " Well, I'll be right back"
Mel:  (hissing)"Don't go  away!!!! There's people coming!"


Well. They say you marry your parent, and Mel has tendencies my father has. Key word is tendencies.  I just realized then and there she's full bore Dad. Totally dislikes people, hates dealing with them. Will tolerate them, but after 8 hours of dealing with people, would prefer to cocoon into his personal space. Will occasionally fuck with their heads for his own personal enjoyment. That is my sweetheart.  Now, I like to have a little fun, and here was an opportunity to see how far I could push her buttons.

Me:  " Hey, I'm gonna run in and grab my coffee"
Mel:  (alarmed look) "what am I supposed to do?!?"
Me: "nobody is coming-you're ok"
Mel: "Well HURRY UP!"
I come back just in time to see a very wired looking Mel, wild eyed, breathing heavily.... in my yard, ready to bolt.... I see the source of her distress....2 people looking at the Mountain Bikes. I'm beginning to enjoy this....
....a few minutes later, I make the comment about putting a beer in the 'fridge and head towards the door. She walks rapidly up to me, very stiff, and says thru clenched teeth..."there'speopletherespeoplecomingthey'recoming!!!!!" and "I'll put the beer in the fridge!"
Hmmm....what else can I do....I like this, because she's willingly doing stuff for me.....
Me: "hon, I gotta run...." which is cut off by Mel looking like a wild animal:
Mel: "Youcan'tgoseetherearemorepeoplecomingYOUNEEDTOTAKECAREOFTHIS!!!Seethepeoplethere'speopletehpeople!!!"

Which kind of reminds me of that movie Sybil...when Sybil is freaking out in her shrink's office and is walking on the furniture intoning "thepeoplethepeoplethepeople....."

Awhile later, she's completely disappeared. Then I see her, hiding in the camper, trying to look busy. I'm so onto her.
She's my freak, and I love her.
And that my friends, is the REAL Mel.

12 comments:

Ms. Moon said...

And the real Mel sounds a lot like me.

crystal said...

this is hilarious! thanks for sharing :)

aneke said...

Love it! I think this guest posting should become a regular thing :)

C.I.W. said...

AAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!omg thanks for the LOL!!!!

you guys sound like a riot!!

Casey

Ang said...

Wow....awesome hearing from you A. Thanks for sharing this story. I think you should share more. :)

Doll Face said...

Very, very funny! LOVE the way you wrote that!

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Great post. I don't like people either.

I do like Mel though.

StarGazer said...

hahaha! so funny. I agree, A should definitely make a thing of this, to tell us funny Mel stories :) Thanks for sharing!!

Jude said...

That was really mean to put Mel through all that, making her all nervous and jerky........LMFAO, good job! ;)

Bethany said...

What a treat! A, you Are hilarious and a fantastic writer, love the sybil line. This whole think was wonderful. Poor mel, gotta love her. Hope u made lots of money. Sounds like a great sale.

Bethany said...

I vote for more guest posting too.
Sorry for all my typos, I m on my phone.

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