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Monday, June 28, 2010

Wedding Propositions and Roadtrip Adventures

Last weekend was our wildest party of the summer...so far. Our friends were married in Jamaica in January and just had their hometown reception. The party was at the groom's brother's house on the family farm. They had a huge tent, kick ass DJ, 7 kegs of beer, a whole lot of liquor plus A and I brought a cooler. In fact we drove the winnebago so we would have a place to crash. We can't go anywhere without causing a stir and that night was no exception when A and I were seated at one of the reserved family tables with the grandmother, mother and step-father of the bride (our best couple friend). The bride's aunts were in the general seating and they were pissed about it. When we tried to decline, saying we shouldn't sit here since we're not family, it was said clearly and bluntly that the bride had chosen us to sit there, we are their family and if anyone says otherwise, they can fuck off. I guess we've been adopted. When A caught the aunts bitching and pointing at us, she smiled smugly and gave them a little wave over her shoulder. God, I love that woman!!

Now A and I have been together openly for over 10 years and you would think that most of these small town idiots would have their gossiping over by now but we sure had tongues wagging that night just because we slow danced together; no grinding, no making out on the dance floor, just a simple slow dance like every hetero couple there. Heads were turning, people were pointing and I think pictures were actually taken...OMG we brought a little of the real world into their small town! Not that long ago things like that would have bothered us but now we both revel in seeing the reactions, making eye contact with the staring gossipers and watching them drop their gaze when they've been busted.

Otherwise we danced and drank most of the night all while avoiding a married couple who spent all evening stalking us. Several years ago, one of the groom's brothers (not the host of the party) and his wife propositioned us to come home with them after bar closing. More like the wife backed A up against the bathroom wall while the husband leered at me across the table muttering sexual comments and insisting we come over to "hot-tub" and have "some fun". Ewwwwww! If I were so inclined, it would definitely not be these two. As soon as we arrived at the reception, they zeroed in on us. A got felt up by the wife outside the tent when she tried to go to the bathroom and the husband sat at the edge of the dance floor leering and every time I walked anywhere near him, he would try to slap or kick at me like a 12 year old boy. Really?! Later another brother-in-laws came over and asked if A and I were in a relationship with each other. When I confirmed, he then asked if we could kiss so he could take a picture. I declined telling him we were not there for a show and I'm sure he has seen women kiss before. He wouldn't let up and finally I just grabbed A and laid a big passionate kiss on her while he stood there with his mouth gaping (I made sure he didn't have his camera ready). Then I leaned over and told him, "Now shut the fuck up and leave us alone!".

There was a special guest...Dirty Harry ended up in the flower arrangement still covered in sand.
And he joined us on the dance floor too. He was passed around and then mysteriously disappeared. I'm afraid of where he may show up next.

In the morning we drove home in our PJs, finished packing the RV and loaded up the crew. We headed down into Iowa, excitment capitol of the U.S. Just flatness and cornfields but then again I can't be too hard on them considering they actually legalized same-sex marrage. A wanted to go visit the town where she spent so many of her childhood summers. We had a great campsite on the river with ducks and geese hanging around, visited her uncle and cousins, cruised town on our bikes, had fires and hung out together. Just quiet times and reconnecting.

Our home away from home.
Tim and Orv took their turns driving.
In Iowa they have a restaurant called the "Freakin' Chickin'". We stopped to get this picture for Ms. Moon although I must say that Elvis is a much better looking rooster.
And interesting gas stations.

About an hour into our drive home we had a blow-out of one of the rear tires. Actually, a cable broke and sheared off about a 3 foot section of tread along with our exhaust pipes. Thankfully the tire stayed inflated and at 65 mph, A managed to keep control and get us stopped safely. If it would have truly blown out we could have been in a really bad situation. We limped off at the next exit and pulled under the over-pass; the only shade on this 90 degree day. While A called AAA, I unloaded the crew since it was too hot in the RV. I have to say that I'm proud of the way A and I work together; neither one of us freak out-we just go into problem solving mode.


Once we had everything under control, A and I started to realize just how bad things could have been. While we were waiting for the tow truck, she just said, "Babe, when I went to get my phone, this cigarette rolled out. It's a sign, I'm supposed to have it." So she did and for once I didn't object. If I had ever smoked I would have joined her.

Once the tire was off, we could see the extent of the damage.

The tow truck driver changed our tire and then informed us that our spare was not going to get us home. At least there was a tire and auto repair only a 1/2 mile away. We limped over and pulled in. The guy comes out, looks at our old tire and tells us he doesn't have that tire in stock. By now I must admit I'm not feeling so calm anymore. It's 90 degrees, we are 3 hours from home and I have 6 temperature sensitve dogs. So I ask what are our options? He goes into the storeroom and after a very long time comes out with a tire. He just looked at us and said, "You gals are just plain lucky today!" He tells us its a rare and unusual size and he's even shocked he had one. I have to admit that despite the nearly $200 that tire cost us, I'm feeling damn lucky too.

42 comments:

crystal said...

That wedding was hilarious! It sounds like it was very entertaining :)
I love the picture of the dogs driving the Winnebego. Oh and the Kum and Go stations, I always wondered what oblivious midwesterner decided on that name!?

Jude said...

You sure are getting good use out of your home on wheels. Glad nothing happened to you gals on the not a blow out too. Surprised the guy didnt say you needed to buy 4 tires. Very lucky indeed.

And as far as some of those peeps at the wedding....well, straight people can be weird at times.

Ms. Moon said...

You know, the weirdos at the wedding just piss me off. I'm sorry but I get angry about shit like that. I know I shouldn't but really?
Ecck.
Thanks for the rooster picture. You are right- Elvis is much more handsome AND dignified. Still, I sort of wish I could eat at the Freakin' Chickin.
And I am SO glad y'all got home safely.
Love to you both...MM

Jen said...

Geeze, so glad you guys are safe! Glad you are using that RV, I love it! Wish you lived closer, I'd invite myself along ;)

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I think you two should have given those small-town morons a real show. Laugh. You should have stuck your tongue down A's throat. Damn bunch of pea-brained pinheads.

Love to A. I love youse, too.

SB

tommy said...

kum and go???? SERIOUSLY??? lol that's a riot. I can't stand ignorant folks...it's been recently brought to my attention that I'm "too gay"... but I digress... great pics, sounds like you had a good time despite all the drama and blow outs :) The dogs in the pen trip me out...it's like 17 of them isn't it? haha

vixen kitten said...

Sheesh, I take a few unplanned weeks off from blogging and come back to THIS!

First of all, I'm glad all of you are ok! That tire could have really been serious.

I'm pretty sure Dirty Harry went home with the creepy couple. *nods* Yep...pretty sure.

And please give Tommy the location of the gas station, because really, the ultimate picture would be of her license plate getting gas at that place! :)

Missed you, and I'm just so happy to be back on line!

xoxo
~vk~


btw....your furbabies are just adorable!

C.I.W. said...

I have never wanted a damn camper as much as I do after reading your posts. Seriously. I already told Mic about you guys and that we need to figure out how to get one. Not a damn pop up. I wanna drive the sucker.

Stay lovey, you two!

casey

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