Tuesday, December 14, 2010

It's a Blizzard, Baby!

It's cold, cold and fucking cold out there! That's my life here now and I'm sorry for the repetition. So another weekend at home, 20 inches of snow, wind, drifting, everything in the lower half of the state closed down. Even the roof of the Metrodome collapsed and now the poor Vikings are homeless. As if I care. I wouldn't care much normally and I care even less now.

As I stood outside shoveling poop fields for the dogs, bundled up so much I resembled the little brother from "A Christmas Story", with wind gusts blowing snow in my face, I should have known it was a sign...stormy weather coming back into my life. It's been too quiet for too long. The barometer drops and everyone goes crazy.

My dad and his family and my mom are all just getting into the game again. Dad has always been a master manipulator, now throw in a stroke, dementia, depression and the loss of control (over his body and his life) and you have manipulation to the extreme. He calls people, pushing buttons, trying to play people against each other, twisting things said/did to suit his purpose. I haven't talked to him in weeks until this weekend. I would call over and over but he wouldn't answer his phone. Friday night mom calls telling me that dad wants to come back to Minnesota, he's lonely, scared, etc. Then she's spewing all this stuff about how he's not being fed or properly cared for and on, and on, and on. I try to calm her down...I want to talk to him myself. So Sunday I finally get a chance and I just listen. I tell him that if he wants to come back to MN we can try to get things arranged but it's not going to be something that can be done overnight. He has unrealistic expectations about returning here and trying to live on his own. I know that in reality he won't be any happier living here. His condition will be the same, he will have the same complaints and the manipulations will continue. I spoke to my older brother to get his perspective and we both agreed that at least until spring we are not even going to consider moving him back.

Tonight is my late night at work and I came home to find the nastiest, rude message from my dad's sister on my voicemail. I haven't spoken to her since October, but she was accusing me of things and honestly I had no idea what she was talking about....but I have a pretty good idea where this is coming from. Honestly, throughout everything I've felt very appreciative of all that she's taken on helping dad. I realize what a lot of work it has been for her. So now I'm still awake, I have to work tomorrow and there is nothing more frustrating that getting those kinds of messages late at night when there is nothing you can say or do about them at the time. Maybe it's for the best since when I get so angry, I cry and then it's hard to communicate. But shit, it really fucks up my sleep cycle!

Really, all I want is peace and quiet. Just living my life here with A, taking care of the pups, doing my rescue duties, taking care of the things I need to and otherwise just finding happiness in what I can. I don't like people interfering in my life and try to extend the same courtesies to others. I'm really at the point of washing my hands with the whole situation and with every drama, I'm finding the sense of duty and the guilt I carry around about "being there" slipping away.


Verity Vaudeville said...

Sounds like he's doing all he can to put a bias over everyone so you all clash and he gets to remain in the position of vulnerable, needing, woe-is-me. Is there no way you can get through to him that this is wrong? Wastes time and effort? Maybe it's too late for that though.

And the night time really is the worst time. Like you say, there's no way to resolve it when it's just you and you've had all that negativity thrown at you. People smashing their emotions over your sanity. It's just rude. I hope it gets better hen.

Ms. Moon said...

God. No one can shovel the crap like family. And why do we put up with it? Blood may be thicker than water but it's messier and nastier too.
Oh honey.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I am so sorry you are having to deal with all your family's crap. What a drag, especially this time of year.

I hope things will calm down and you and A will manage to have a decent holiday.

Love you and A,


crystal said...

Im so sorry you are going through this! It sounds like you need to find the delicate balance between "being there" for them and still maintaining your sanity in the comfortable happy life that you have created....easier said than done, I know :(

Mel's Way or No Way said...

Thanks everyone. I was tired as hell all day but felt much better. Tonight I called my aunt. I was calm and just asked her what was going on. Come to find out it was what I was manipulating and lying. He told her some hurtful comments that he claimed I had said and she made the call to me out of anger. Hopefully we've come to an agreement as far as how we will handle dad's behavior and in the future she won't be so quick to believe. Here's hoping!

Kym said...

Family drama, that's just awful, I hope you can work through everything and feel better in the end. :-)
Try not to stress about it all so much, I know that is hard to do, but try.

I hope you have a wonderful holiday!