Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Very Late Weekend Update

I'm old...too old to party with 24 year olds. It's taken me all this time to recover from my Saturday night. Ang tagged me to do a photo meme. I'll have to work on it this weekend. Then Sarcastic Bastard poked me; holy shit it has been a week since I posted!

Poor me, I had to work all day Friday since the ladies who regularly work had some virus that causes major puking for about 24 hours. Some people may consider it lucky to not get sick but I could really use a good stomach virus right now. A couple days home and a 10 pound weight loss. It could make up for all the junk I've been eating.

My weekend started Friday night  when A told me we had to be up early Saturday morning. She had a date planned for us. I was excited and hauled my lazy ass up at an un-godly hour for Saturday and we headed out to breakfast. I was slightly disappointed by her choice of restaurant but understood her reasons; it was quick and every place was packed.  Now here in Minnesota they have a restaurant called Old Country Buffet. I usually avoid the place because #1 the food isn't that great and #2 you have terrible gut-rot the rest of the day. The only good thing about going is it provides excellent people watching and this time it did not disappoint. I love watching people push and shove at each other to get to the omelet bar and how people stand around watching and waiting as more bacon is placed on the buffet. It really reminds me of the dogs at feeding time; watching every move the server makes and glaring out of the corner of their eye at the person standing next to them. I can almost hear the voice in their heads: "I was here first, bitch. Don't you dare try to shove in front of me!" If they growled and showed their teeth it would be perfect. Then there was the 20-something guy at the drink bar with his finger shoved up his nose to the first knuckle, the guy with scabs all over him, old people shoving food in their bags and of course the screaming children throwing tantrums and crawling on the floor.

Our next stop made me happy though. She had taken me to the flea market. It's fun to just walk around and check out all that stuff. One man's junk is another man's treasure, right? We cleaned them out of retro plastic santas. I bought A a plastic santa in his sleigh and the reindeer. She loved it and everything lit up once the bulbs were replaced. A was looking for a bulb for the 4 foot plastic santa she bought and all she could find around the house was a yellow bug light. We laughed so hard at cirrhosis of the liver santa. We have since replaced it with a regular light bulb.

After all our shopping we rushed home to get ready for the santa themed bachorlette party. At the flea market A bought one little extra to go with my outfit-a riding crop. Once I got dressed in that outfit, hair/makeup done, riding crop and in those heels, I thought A was going to attack me on the spot. If we didn't have someone waiting to give us a ride I think we would have been very late for the party. ;) I left the house in a long coat but the more I drank, the more open I became. It was a pretty average party until 35 Naughty Ms. Santas and 1 Naughty Elf  loaded the party bus to go bar hopping. The bus had a pole and the ladies made good use of it. I think some of them could have great careers if they wanted. A brought the bachlorette a special gift-an 18 inch double-headed dildo. He was quickly named "Dirty Harry" and spent the night on the dance floor and poking not only us ladies from the party but random people in the bar. If ever the bachlorette could not be found, just look for Dirty Harry waving in the air on the dance floor. At the end of the night, the guys showed up to take us ladies home. Dirty Harry ended up on the floor and had a piece of red tinsel stuck to him. The soon-to-be-groom retreived him for the bride-to-be. Unfortunately once they got home, sometime during the night (or morning) the dog got hold of Dirty Harry and chewed him up. May he R.I.P.

It is amazing how many guys approached me and wanted to be slapped with that riding crop!! At one bar I was on stage spanking the lead singer of the band and at another place I had some 21 year old kid pestering me to spank him. I finally had enough and smacked his ass so hard I imagine he had welts the next morning. I spent 5 hours dancing in heels until I could barely stand on my sore feet and we finally stumbled in the door sometime in the early morning. The next morning A had a massive hangover and I wasn't feeling the best either. I stuck to cocktails but she was mixing beer, liquor and doing shots too. I had to drag my pathetic ass out of bed agian to spend the day with my mother baking Christmas cookies.

Now I really debated if I should post any photos but I know I will be harrassed until I do. Disclamer: I do not typically dress or act this way.

My Naughty Elf-don't you love the shoes!

The Bachlorette on the pole-please note Dirty Harry.

Dirty Harry all dressed for the holiday.


Ang said...

wow looks like you had a fun entertaining weekend. Good times indeed. Take your time on your meme :)

CJ said...

Those pictures are priceless! LOVE them!

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I missed you. You looked adorable. Glad you had fun.

Santa with cirrohsis made me laugh.

Love, SB.

tommy said...

Looks like ya'll had a ton of fun... good times. I had a "dirty harry" once... I took it to my brother's bonfire in the country and smacked people in the face with it anytime said something stupid...considering my bro and all his friends are pot made for a fun night of smacking folks in the face with a giant dildo... (did i mention I have penis envy)