It's Saturday and I'm hanging out alone at home. A is on-call this weeknd and had to go into work for a few hours. There are a million things I need to do around here but my motovation is severely lacking. Outside it's cloudy and the wind is cold with rain not far behind. I just want to curl up on the couch and read. I guess that's not such a bad way to pass a cold dreary Saturday. Even my little girl Sia has the right idea today.
I'm taking care of my younger brother's dog today since he and his wife went to South Dakota to check out a house to rent. He called me just a while ago to tell me they had signed the lease and plans to move on April 17th-only three weeks but they are holding his job and he needs to get started. He's been out of work for over a year now and finally found a position in South Dakota. Of course my mother is all gloom-and-doom about it; crying and wailing about the grandchildren moving away. I don't interfere in my brother's life or relationship but on some occasions he will ask my advice. When he was considering the position I just told him that even though I'll be sad to see them leave (they just live across and down the street from me), he can't let mom dictate the course of his life. Let's be realistic here, he's got a wife and 2 children to support and no decent job prospects here. What does a responsible person do?
Yesterday I finally forced myself at lunch to deny my natural tendencies and returned a phone call to the childhood friend who contacted me. I should have stuck with my natural stand-offish tendencies afterall. For more than 45 minutes she rattled on about her divorce, kids, dating, people from high school and having her shakras aligned. I must admit that the entire time I was thinking you've only become more cooky with age. Over and over she asked "do you remember so-and-so?" and I would honestly answer "yeah, kinda" or "not really" then she would go into a long story about what they are doing now. Honestly when I moved away I just kind of forgot (or maybe blocked ) a lot of those people. If I haven't had contact with them in 16 years then I really don't care. Finally the last 5 minutes she asked me what I was doing now and if I had ever remarried. I was honest and straight to the point and told her that for the last 10.5 years I've been in a relationship with a woman. She was silent and then said something like "oh, like companions" and I told her absolutely not. A is my best friend, lover and my wife; she makes me incredibly happy and my entire life revolves around her. By the end of the conversation she was crying and gushing about how happy she is to have found me and how much she's missed me and I'm cringing and mutteringing something polite like "yeah, it was nice to talk to you".
I have to admit that I envy A because she has several friends that she's maintained friendships with for more than 20 years. Some live in the state and others live across the country but when they get together that just seem to pick up where they left off. Time and distance seems to do nothing to deteriorate the bonds they share. I just don't have those types of relationships. I thought maybe this friend and I might re-connect since we have such a shared past but I honestly just don't feel it. Maybe I'm too judgemental or it could be I just have this overwhelming adversion to anything or anyone from the past. I'll have to keep exploring that.
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4 comments:
"oh you mean like companions?" what the fuck does THAT mean? Jeeze. Mel, come on, don't feel like there's anything wrong with you for not connecting to this person. Honestly, I wouldn't worry about not wanting to connect with HS friends. I think you should trust your instincts and stop giving yourself a hard time (not that you asked for my advice). I know what you mean about envying A though. I feel lucky to have a best bud still from my childhood.
But the friends you make as the person you are now, in the life you have now, are the ones that fit you best.
I love that pic of your adorable dog. I hope you let yourself just chill out and read today. You so deserve it.
Glad for your brother. He def did the right thing. He is brave and smart.
Happy weekend!
I grew up in a very small, undiverse town so when I found some of my old friends on facebook I wondered how they would handle my gayness. :) Even though most of them didn't care, I still found myself not really connected with them as I was when growing up. Everyone changes and the grown up me wanted nothing to do with the grown up childhood friends.
I think you handled that woman very well! Way to go!
P.S. Your puppy is so cute!
the past is the past for some people. i always think- i have g....
I do have a few relationships I have maintained over the centuries but it's because I still not only love those people but like them too. Shared history is NOT a basis for a relationship.
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