Arrrr, Family!!

I spent a relatively quiet day close to home. I needed it since I've been pulled in several different directions the last few weeks. I've been spending my days either working or on the road back and forth with my father to doctor appointments, tests and consultations. Between the drive to work and the drive to the doctors, I am sometimes driving 200 miles a day. I feel guilty for leaving my co-workers short-handed and for not spending enough time at home. A is wonderful as always and often has a cocktail waiting when I come through the door. I drink so seldom but the last two weeks we've went through quite a few bottles of wine plus rum.

The most stressful part of the situation is the fact that my father and I really have an oil and water type of relationship. We have such different personalities; I'm quiet, like to keep the conversation to the point, don't like to be the center of attention and don't need to chat with every person that crosses my path. My father is loud, brash and can be just down-right obnoxious. He curses constantly, makes inappropriate sexual and racist jokes to complete strangers and lacks the ability to have a conversation. I've always said he talks at you and not with you and it usually involves him saying "I did this..." and "I did that...". Mix that with him trying to make jokes with the doctors while they are doing their consults, constantly talking about the navy in 1962 and calling me 10 times at day to tell me the same thing, you can imagine my frustration. The logical part of my brain tells me he's scared and trying to deal but I can't help but get annoyed and sometimes my tolerance is lacking. I have brothers but no one has offered to step up and help out and I feel like the entire time I'm with him I'm just in charge of keeping him in line; trying to keep him focused on the issue at hand.

Now last night my mother and father were calling me because my brother and his wife were fighting, she was leaving to be with another man, and this guy was threatening my brother. They started having marital problems the last 6-8 months and it's been a back-and-forth situation. We've all tried to stay out of it but my brother calls my parents and gets them involved plus they have two small children and things are getting out of control. My brother calls may dad and gets him worried and upset and it has a negative impact on his health; last night he was sick again afterwards. Since I live near my brother, my parents always want me to keep an eye out for trouble. They were calling me until 12:30am getting the "update" as my mom calls it. The closest I've come to getting involved is telling my nephews to come to my house if they need a safe place. My primary concern is for the children living in this mess. I lived that life myself and hate the idea they are living it now too. I don't know what else I can do.

I headed to the local thrift store this afternoon still searching for a wedding dress for my Halloween consume. A and I planned to go as a zombie bride and groom but I've been searching for weeks and have not been able to find a dress; they are either overpriced or too small. A few weeks ago I did find a hideous prom/bridesmaid dress and will likely be a zombie prom queen instead. I also bought a blond 1980s big hair curly wig; this girl has never been blond for one second of my life so it will be a change.

Today I had the realization that if A ever left me I would be screwed. She asked me to stop at the store and pick up a few things on my way home. Since she was running behind at work, I had the bright idea to make dinner. As I stood there in the grocery store debating what to make, I realized it's been ages since I've cooked especially anything decent. The last 8 years my cooking has consisted of warming left-overs in the microwave and occasionally making soup, mac-and-cheese or baking cookies or a cake. I also remembered why I never liked to cook-too much stuff to clean up!!

Now to end this blah entry with a story.
I got up one morning and was just going through my normal morning routine getting ready for work. A had left already and I hear the phone ringing just as I am drying off after my shower. It's unusual for me to get a call so early so I just hurry into the living room to grab the phone in the buff. The dogs were sleeping on the couch and slowly lifted their heads when I entered the room. Suddenly they jump up and start frantically barking and growling. They charge at me barking madly. The hair even stood up on their backs!

Now I really felt I looked something like this that morning:

But the dogs must have seen something that resembled this:
In reality it is actually something in between but I couldn't help but feel a bit insulted anyway. It wasn't very good for my self-esteem, that's for sure!! Humiliations galore!!!