Sunday, October 11, 2009

Snow, Stress and Home Improvement

I woke up in a foul mood this morning. Maybe it was the weather; 25 degrees and fucking snow on October 10th or maybe it's all the other things going through my head. All I know is that I'm happy that A was on-call this weekend and got called into the office this morning or I may be divorced by now.

I received a call from a family member 2 weeks ago to inform me they have been diagnosed with cancer. This person and I have not had a relationship for the last several years. I had stepped away from having a relationship with them when I just couldn't deal with their negative behavior anymore. After 30 years of hearing the same complaints, fights, and hurtful behaviors I just said I had enough-and cut off communication. I don't hate them, just couldn't handle it anymore. I know that some would say it is horrible to cut off a family member but I believe that some people are just toxic. Their negativity creeps into your life and they drag you down with them; sometimes that person is a member of your family. Anyway, this person now wants me to handle things for them if they become incapable and be the executor of their will. I feel obligated to do so and know they really have no one else dependable to handle things. So I take on this responsibility because it is my duty...and I feel the weight of this duty heavy on my shoulders.

As much as I hate to admit it I still sometimes fall into old habits of dealing with stress. I have tried to recognize the cycles and rise above the negative coping skills I learned from my parents but it is a constant battle to overcome those self-destructive habits. I am lucky to have a wonderful woman like A in my life. She knows when to just leave me alone and doesn't take everything personally. I doubt the two of us would still be together if we were closer in age (she's 14 years older). She was older and wiser when I was going through the craziness of my early and mid-twenties. She is actually a saint for putting up with me through some of those years. She was my rock, my stability and with her I grew to know myself, recognize my strengths and embrace my weaknesses.

I did manage to focus some of my energy today and painted my front door a beautiful shade of emerald green. We have lived in this house nearly 8 years with the same pale yellow-beige primed steel door; no spark, no curb-appeal, just BORING!! Since we put new siding on last fall and a new roof this spring it really made the entry just dated and drab. I didn't want a red door-too overdone (and my neighbors across the street have a red door), the idea of a blue door was just not right and I finally decided on green. It's taken weeks to find just the right shade and the effort was well worth it. Next spring-new storm door to really showcase my beautiful green door.


crystal said...

If I remember correctly, you are in MN right? Im so sorry it is snowing already, cause you guys didn't even get a real summer this year did you? :(

Mel's Way or No Way said...

It was really only a dusting and gone by noon but I'm not ready for another endless winter in MN! You're right, summer never really showed up.

CJ said...

It snowed here yesterday as well. Green sounds like the perfect color for a door!

tommy said...

Green is a GREAT color, especially for a door...I was going to support my response with some type of research that would explain why it is so great...but couldn't make sense of the feng shui stuff like whether you are an east/west person... So I'll simply say... good choice, lol.

I'm glad you have A in your life and that she keeps you grounded... when it comes to chaos, stress, and just negative trends in general, it's always a better situation when you have someone that understands you and helps you out of it...