One Down, One To Go...

...then I'm free until Easter. Yesterday went better than I expected. My mother's boyfriend had his family came for dinner so things stayed somewhat subdued. My mother had medicated herself with brandy and A and I medicated ourselves with copious amounts of wine. Everything his tolerable with a buzz, right?

I saw A visibily shudder when my 9 year old nephew took my camera and started taking pictures of everything.  I remained calm (the wine may have helped) and just let him enjoy. He actually took some really nice photos of the family; he took most of the pictures of the day. It was fun to watch him figuring it out, enjoying everything and within a short time was asking about the manual controls. I'll save that for Christmas. At least I got a great idea for a Christmas present for him.

My mom and I-we definitely look buzzed.

A and I

Fighting over the last piece of pie...or maybe the last of the wine.

My mom and nephews clowning around.

At 4am this morning I stumbled half asleep, in my PJs and slippers, down the street to my brother's house with my pillow and blanket in tow. He and his wife wanted to hit "Black Friday" sales and had suckered me into coming to stay with my nephews . It was an easy gig. I just fell asleep on the couch with the dog. By 8:30am they came home and I got to stumble home in the same state. I'm such a sucker!

It's Thanksgiving

Pull out your fat pants-you know the pair you keep shoved in the back of the closet with the elastic waist-and load up your plates. We will all suffer the consequences tomorrow!

3:15 AM

That's what time I woke up this morning. It was after midnight before I fell asleep. It's going to be a rough day since I'm the type of person who truly NEEDS 8 hours of sleep. I lay there in bed for almost an hour, tossing and turning, neck cramping and trying to fall back to sleep. When the dog asked to go out at 4 am, I said fuck it and just stayed up.

I'm feeling a little anxious and it can be a number of things. First my father started his chemotherapy and radiation yesterday; 6 weeks of constant chemo through a pump and daily radiation treatments. So far no problems but it has been less than 24 hours; too soon to tell what type of reaction he may have. For now he is able to drive himself to his appointments. I can't help but wonder how long that will last and I'll be taking more time off work.

Second, the holiday is coming fast which means the next 6 weeks will consist of arguing, crying, moodiness and total drama on every level. Not from me of course. It will be my mother but it stresses me out. The last few years I have avoided much of the headache by just avoiding the entire situation. With my father's cancer diagnosis suddenly this year everyone wants to play "family" so I guess I will play along. Not to mention I can barely stand Christmas being shoved down my throat everytime I leave the house, turn on the radio or TV. I love my quiet holiday at home with A, the rest can go to hell!!

My third source of anxiety is the fact that A reminded me yesterday that we have 2 months until we head to Jamaica. I should be excited. I used to love to travel. I've left the dogs with the pet-sitter before. Still it's stressful to me and I will worry and prepare for weeks before. I will have lists and notes everywhere. I will pack 20 minutes before leaving for the airport after having spent the previous 3 days preparing their food for a week. I'm a total nut and a bit of a control freak too.

I love this picture. It's our old man-he's 10 years old howling with excitment about going to bed. Sounds pretty good to me right now too. Have a great day all. :)

Santa showed up early this year.

A and I went shopping at the thrift store Saturday looking for items for our naughty santa outfits for the bachelorette party we're going to in a few weeks. No luck with that but I found an old sewing machine table that I fell in love with. I don't sew at all and would rather donate an item of clothing than replace a lost button but I thought it would make a great computer desk. (I know, I'm a 33 year old-old woman). Plus at $40 it was a steal. A snatched it up right away as an early Christmas gift for me. I put a dog bed underneath and one or more dogs sleep at my feet while I'm online. I love taking something old and giving it new purpose.

I finished putting up our new bookcases and entertainment system this weekend. We've been having a blast pulling our books out of storage boxes and filling those bookcases. We also discovered the ultimate brownie, PMS food and treatment for depression this weekend. I have to say Ghirardelli Ultimate Fudge Brownies are the most wonderfully sinful things to ever touch my lips (sorry to my honey). They are orgasm inducing all on their own!

I Got Busted

Tomorrow morning A has to go for some GI tests. It's nothing serious; just a routine check up but still a pain to deal with. Anyway she had to start her prep this afternoon and had to be on a clear liquid diet all day. This is a hard thing for her since she loves to eat and gets pretty grumpy when her blood sugar drops.

I came home from work tonight and she was starving but offered to cook dinner for me. I refused of course and could not even bring myself to eat in front of her. I sat and drank tea and ate jello with her while she ohhed and ahhed at every food commercial on TV. By 7:30pm my stomach couldn't take it anymore. We needed a few items from the grocery store, so on the way I went to the local convenience store and picked up 2 slices of pizza. I ate one piece in the car and stuffed the other piece in my purse to smuggle into the house. I came home and hauled the bags in and started putting things away.

In the living room I can hear A telling one of the dogs to "stop it". She came into the kitchen and asks, "Do you have some food in your purse? The dog is going crazy digging in there."  I ran into the living room, shooed the dog out of my purse and set it up out of reach. She eyed me suspiciously and asks what I have in there and I tell her "nothing". I immediately can't hold in my laughter and she starts laughing too. She knows me too well. After some major giggling I finally fessed up that I had a piece of pizza stashed in there. I was just trying to be considerate. That damn little dog got me busted!

Go Destra, Go!!!!

Destra (click here to follow a link to her blog) is over half-way to her goal of $405 to get her a special cart to help relieve the stress and pain from her damaged back legs. Her mom over at Rocket Ramble would really appreciate any help you could offer-even though she HATES to ask. Even a few dollars would help and also help save the life of a beautiful happy dog who already survived Hurricane Katrina. Her mom just wants to give her a happy life without pain. Please pass this along to anyone who may be interested. Thanks!

A Comedy of Errors and I'm a Jackass!!

Today A and I decided to go shopping at Ikea. We've been talking since summer about purchasing some new furniture items for the living room. It's become a Christmas tradition that we both contribute to buy a larger item(s) for the house or plan a vacation then just buy each other a few smaller things to open on Christmas day.

We slept late and A made waffles for breakfast. Then she hurried me to get ready to go; mumbling about the weather and traffic and we had to get things done today. We hopped into the piece of shit truck, A turned the ignition and nothing but a click. The battery was dead. I said, "maybe we should wait and go another day". She insisted the truck did this a couple weeks ago and although the battery needs replaced, after she got it going last time it was fine the rest of the day. It's been sitting in the cold weather for over a week, blah, blah, blah. So I wait patiently while we jump the truck and finally get on the road. We have an uneventful drive and once parked at Ikea I suggest, "maybe we should just keep it running while we go inside". She reaches over and turns off the ignition saying it will be fine, just watch. She turns the key again to show me the piece of shit truck will start and it only clicks. Now I'm pissed! She insists we go get the items we came for and then we will deal with the truck.

We went into that packed store and I was furious! That means that I now have no patience for meandering idiots or unruly children or pain in the ass people in general. We load up two platform trucks with our purchases (with the help of the cutest little gay boys), check out and head to the loading zone. A swears she just knows the truck is going to start. Lucky for me it was a pleasant sunny day because I had to stand on that loading zone for a LONG time! I was right again and the truck would still not start. We had one lucky break when A was just ready to call for a tow truck a nice gentleman from Iowa stopped and offered to give us a jump start.

A pulls up to the loading zone and starts backing up. I'm trying to handle two heavy platform trucks that don't drive worth a damn and look up to see A backing over one of the loading zone signs. I let go of the cart I was driving and started yelling and waving at her to stop. I then directed her forward and to my relief those signs are spring loaded and the damn thing popped back up! I turn around to get my cart and the one I was pulling when A was running over the sign has run off the curb and tipped one of the boxes onto the parking lot. The corner of the box is ripped open and a piece of wood is broken/torn off the product inside. Holy shit!! What else can happen!!!!! A and I load the rest of the boxes and I head back into the store. I had to go wait in the return isle and a nice lady went and got a new box to replace the damaged one. We loaded up and headed home.

Now to share my jackass moment. A and I have been discussing being more open and affectionate in public. She is open to it even though she has said it will take some adjustment for her. We were walking through the store today and she reached over and took my hand. I was so furious at that moment that I pulled my hand away and told her, "I'm so angry at you right now, I don't want to hold your hand!" 10 minutes later I felt like total shit. She took the initiative, stepped out of her comfort zone and I was a complete and total jackass to her.

On the way home I apologized for my bad behavior and she admited she didn't give a shit about running over that sign because she was imagining it to be me. She apologized for not listening when I suggested we leave the truck running. Within a short time we were laughing about all the things that went wrong on our trip and she said the next time I insist we postpone something, she will listen. I can't help but still feel terrible for not holding her hand. So what should my punishment be?

Lazy Saturday

It's Saturday night and I'm home blogging. How sad is my life! Actually, I really enjoy these nights at home. It has been an all out lazy day.

I pulled my lazy ass out of bed this morning in just enough time to shower and make it to my haircut appointment. Too bad I woke up with a monster zit on my chin. A took one look at it this morning and blamed it on my father. "It's a stress zit" she told me. No matter, I want it gone. It's a beast!

My new "T" key arrived in the mail yesterday; snapped it on my computer keyboard and I can happily type now. I tried to switch it out with the "Z" key like Jude suggested but it wasn't working for me and I was afraid of causing more damage. After Christmas I'm buying a new computer. I think I'm leaning toward making the switch to a Mac.

I received a call from work asking if I wanted to fill in tonight. I saw the number in caller ID and didn't pick up. I deleted the voicemail. I should have went in...but fuck it, I wasn't in the mood!

A dropped my camera bag on the floor today while in a frenzy of cleaning. Lucky for her the case took the brunt of the fall; camera and lenses checked out okay. Whew!! That could have led to divorce.

We received an application from a potiental adopter for our foster dog. It sounded promising until I read they don't have a fenced yard. Our rescue doesn't require a fenced yard but we have to evaluate the needs of each dog. We have failed miserably trying to train this dog to walk on a leash. We've trained many over the years but this guy is the most stubborn. We've tried every trick. We will just keep trying and hopefully be able to match him with an appropriate adopter.

Finally we received an invitation to a bachorlette party in mid-December. They want us to dress in our most naughty or nice santa outfit. Right away A suggested I dress as naughty Mrs. Claus and she as a elf. She wants me to put a collar and leash on her and carry a whip. Sounds like some fucked up Christmas fantasy to me!

I just popped a bottle of champange and Tim (one of my dogs) comes running. He wants the cork. He doesn't chew on it; just wants to carry it away to his bed and protect it from the other dogs. What a freak! I seem to be surrounded by them!!!

I'm Making a Change

Tonight I started my conversation with A by asking her a simple question. "How would you feel about being more open and affectionate in public?" She just looked at me a little suspiciously and asked what did I mean.

A few weeks ago Jude wrote a lovely post about her promise to do more hand holding with her wife. Then Rocket wrote a post about a memory from her youth when she observed prejudice against an interracial couple who dared to hold hands in pubic. It made me think about how much of a difference it could make if all gay/lesbian couples in this country started to just hold hands while out in public. I think it would be an eye-opener to a lot of heterosexuals to see just how many of us there are.

Our family and friends all know that we are together. We don't hide our relationship but have really strived to remain "low-key". A and I are from different generations and unfortuately she has felt pressured though the years to try to live her life below the radar. She has talked about being harassed outside the gay bars and having people drive by and throw things at her and her friends. During her last relationship, her gf wasn't out; she was a teacher and always pressured A to stay in the closet. It's a hard "habit" to break. I have to admit that just a few years ago I too felt the need to keep our relationship private.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if I want the right to marry the person I choose then I should not feel I have to hide anything. I should be living my life openly and proudly. I should not hide this wonderful love we have for each other.  I'm making a promise to myself to be more open. I'm going to hold the hand of the woman I love when I feel like it and if that's in Target, the grocery store or the mall then that's what I'll do. I'm sure it will be awkward at first for both of us, but I believe our time has come. Wish us luck!

Random Weekend Update

My weekend was a mix of the good, the bad, and the ugly; not necessarily in that order.

Friday is usually my day. I have the house to myself, sleep in, hang out with the dogs and basically just do what I want. I really NEED that time. It makes me a better, more pleasant person. I know how spoiled I am to only work four days a week and I am thankful I have that option.

This Friday I had to spend the day with my father and doctors; doctors who have different opinions and keep changing their minds about treatment. My father was behaving in his normal obnoxious manner but I was not in any state of mind to deal with him; my patience has worn thin. I wish I could describe his behavior in a way others could truly comprehend what I'm dealing with but honestly there are no words. You would have to experience him yourself.

Saturday I would have done nearly anything to stay in bed and avoid an entire day of continuing education. As if giving up my Saturday wasn't bad enough, I had to get up extra early and put up with the bitches from work all day! The actual classes were fine but it's these women's constant complaining and criticism and droning on about teething, car seats and how much the men in their life don't live up to their expectations. By lunch I found a way to accidently-on-purpose get separated from them. Yeah, a peaceful lunch to myself!

I came home Saturday night in a sad state. A just watched me as I went through the normal motions around the house. She always knows my mood but doesn't pressure me to talk. She knows I will start when I'm ready. After a few hours to gather my thoughts, I cuddled up on the couch beside her and just let it out. I cried and talked and then cried some more. She hates to see me cry and always wants to fix everything but what I really needed was to just let it out. I'm considering taking a family medical leave at work since my immediate supervisor is acting like an ass about the time I've been taking off work to deal with my father's illness. I want to continue working but if she's not willing to work with me, then I will just have to take the time off. When I started talking to her about 6 weeks of daily radiation treatments and chemotherapy she immediately started telling me that there was no way my family should expect me to take all that time off and my siblings need to step up. That's when she started crossing the line but she jumped over it when she had the nerve to tell me to try to schedule my father's colon removal surgery for a day when my boss is out of the office. Seriously, talk about tacky!! Everyone else in the office understands but this woman has no empathy. The fact is that the majority of us will one day be in the position where we will need to take care of a spouse or family member. I hope I'm around when it's her turn!

Sunday I finally got to sleep in, we did some cuddling, had some hot sex and did some shopping. As you can imagine, I was feeling more like my normal self. It was a sunny beautiful day and an unusually warm 70 degrees on Minnesota. We had to go grocery shopping and at the store A found these tiny bananas.

Just a picture to try to give a little perspective. I have small hands. My ring is a size 4.5 and I always wear small gloves.

Finally I want to share with you how difficult it was to type this post. When I came home Saturday, A informed me the "T" key had come off the keyboard.

When I asked what happened I got the answer she was just typing and it popped off. She had the key laying beside the computer and I asked if all the pieces were there. "Oh yeah, everything is there". I tried to replace it but no luck. I went online and found a how-to video. Now I knew I didn't have all the pieces. She still swears all the pieces are there that came off. I took off another key and showed her 2 pieces were missing. Well the final conclussion is that some how in this house those pieces magically disappeared. So I ordered a new key and it will be here later this week. It is an inexpensive thing to fix but I never realized how many words use the letter "T".

I'm Tired...

...of people who don't know me dictating how I should live my life.

I'm tired of listening to ignorant people spout ignorant views based on assumptions instead of facts.

I'm tired of having religious bullshit shoved down my throat by a bunch of hypocrites.

Then I come home and wrap my arms around A and think "How can anyone think a love this beautiful is wrong?"  One day we will have our day.

The Old Lady Loses Her License

Today I have the task or revoking my honey's license to drive. A has this piece of shit truck we only use to haul stuff. Of course, when she tried to start it today it was dead. So she drove her car up through the yard to give the truck a jump-start.

The truck started and all was okay until she had to had to back the car up. This is when she assulted her first victim.

She told me she actually considered putting some white paint on the tree to cover it up. Too bad for her nothing goes un-noticed around here.

The second victim of her assult will be much more costly to repair.

You can't really see it in the picture, but there is actually a piece of bark wedged under the broken tail light and bark scraped along the bumper. The old lady now has restricted driving privledges!!

Our Halloween

Well Halloween is over. It comes and goes so fast and is truly my favorite holiday. I love the scary movies, ghost stories and most importantly it doesn't involve dealing with family!

We spent 2 hours just getting our make-up on yesterday. We had to be ready before the trick-or-treaters arrived. We scared the crap out of the little kids that came to our door-I consider that a great success.
A only carved 4 pumpkins this year (last year she carved 8) and she did a lovely one with my portrait.

The zombie prom queen and her date. The blonde wig freaked out everyone who knows me-this girl has never been blonde one moment of my life! In every picture everyone wanted us to do our best zombie look, unfortunately I'm the zombie who never stops laughing/smiling.

Our good friend is an Elvis impersonator so he wears his costume all year.

It was a late night and after 10 hours in make-up, I was itching (literally) to get it off. It took a lot of baby oil to remove all the liquid latex. I was happy and surprised this morning when I didn't wake up with a rash on my face. The way it was burning when I went to bed, I was sure my face would be red and swollen this morning. The things we suffer through for Halloween.