Tuesday, November 24, 2009

3:15 AM

That's what time I woke up this morning. It was after midnight before I fell asleep. It's going to be a rough day since I'm the type of person who truly NEEDS 8 hours of sleep. I lay there in bed for almost an hour, tossing and turning, neck cramping and trying to fall back to sleep. When the dog asked to go out at 4 am, I said fuck it and just stayed up.

I'm feeling a little anxious and it can be a number of things. First my father started his chemotherapy and radiation yesterday; 6 weeks of constant chemo through a pump and daily radiation treatments. So far no problems but it has been less than 24 hours; too soon to tell what type of reaction he may have. For now he is able to drive himself to his appointments. I can't help but wonder how long that will last and I'll be taking more time off work.

Second, the holiday is coming fast which means the next 6 weeks will consist of arguing, crying, moodiness and total drama on every level. Not from me of course. It will be my mother but it stresses me out. The last few years I have avoided much of the headache by just avoiding the entire situation. With my father's cancer diagnosis suddenly this year everyone wants to play "family" so I guess I will play along. Not to mention I can barely stand Christmas being shoved down my throat everytime I leave the house, turn on the radio or TV. I love my quiet holiday at home with A, the rest can go to hell!!

My third source of anxiety is the fact that A reminded me yesterday that we have 2 months until we head to Jamaica. I should be excited. I used to love to travel. I've left the dogs with the pet-sitter before. Still it's stressful to me and I will worry and prepare for weeks before. I will have lists and notes everywhere. I will pack 20 minutes before leaving for the airport after having spent the previous 3 days preparing their food for a week. I'm a total nut and a bit of a control freak too.

I love this picture. It's our old man-he's 10 years old howling with excitment about going to bed. Sounds pretty good to me right now too. Have a great day all. :)


CJ said...

Ok, now that you've told us what's bothering you...I demand you write a sappy "what's NOT stressful in life right now" post!

Jude said...

Wishing your Dad the best as he goes through the treatments. And you too, I know it must be very stressful. Hugs to you Kiddo.

Lucky you and A on the trip too. Wish I could go with you.

vixen kitten said...

I'll be keeping you and your Dad in my thoughts and prayers.

Sending you lots of *hugs*... now go get some sleep. You will need your energy for the day you will have to start setting up the penguins and their sled! *snort*

Your pups are adorable!


Sarcastic Bastard said...

I howl with excitement over bedtime, too, Mel.

Love you. Sorry you are so stressed. I hope your dad does well.