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Wednesday, November 11, 2009

I'm Making a Change

Tonight I started my conversation with A by asking her a simple question. "How would you feel about being more open and affectionate in public?" She just looked at me a little suspiciously and asked what did I mean.

A few weeks ago Jude wrote a lovely post about her promise to do more hand holding with her wife. Then Rocket wrote a post about a memory from her youth when she observed prejudice against an interracial couple who dared to hold hands in pubic. It made me think about how much of a difference it could make if all gay/lesbian couples in this country started to just hold hands while out in public. I think it would be an eye-opener to a lot of heterosexuals to see just how many of us there are.

Our family and friends all know that we are together. We don't hide our relationship but have really strived to remain "low-key". A and I are from different generations and unfortuately she has felt pressured though the years to try to live her life below the radar. She has talked about being harassed outside the gay bars and having people drive by and throw things at her and her friends. During her last relationship, her gf wasn't out; she was a teacher and always pressured A to stay in the closet. It's a hard "habit" to break. I have to admit that just a few years ago I too felt the need to keep our relationship private.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if I want the right to marry the person I choose then I should not feel I have to hide anything. I should be living my life openly and proudly. I should not hide this wonderful love we have for each other.  I'm making a promise to myself to be more open. I'm going to hold the hand of the woman I love when I feel like it and if that's in Target, the grocery store or the mall then that's what I'll do. I'm sure it will be awkward at first for both of us, but I believe our time has come. Wish us luck!

11 comments:

shane rocket said...

you need any muscle for stupid people let me know....

Ang said...

Awesome.....I can provide a little muscle too but not as much as Rocket.

Jen said...

I love this change. Good luck you two, I'm sure you'll find it liberating.

CJ said...

I LOVE the last paragraph of this post. You're right, if we want the right to marry, we should show the world we are just like everyone. Ash and I are also from different generations. What she finds comfortable in public at times, I don't. I'm all for the hand holding, kiss on the lips, hug, cuddling, sitting on the same side of the booth when we're out to eat...but I'm not comfortable doing anything in public I wouldn't want MY children to see ANYONE doing, gay or straight.

Beautiful post!

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Mel,
I think you should do damn well what you want. It's your life, and if other people are petty, it's not your problem.

Love,

SB.

crystal said...

Awesome post! I completely agree. When I moved to Seattle from ND I was so excited to be open in public. Its harder though than it seems. Nobody should have to worry about getting weird looks or glares just because they are holding hands with someone they love! I do believe though that all it takes is more viability for acceptance to grow. One small step... :)

C.I.W. said...

Love this post! It is empowering, honestly. I came from the Fox Valley- and I had NO PROBLEMS there-- small up north area in Wisconsin. My partner and I would hold hands, put our arms around one another... anything any other couple would do in public. We never ever had an issue. Now, I am in a larger city.. and at first I noticed stares and comments... I would get nervous. Now I could care less. If hetero's can hold hands... so can I. It has given me confiedence!!!

tommy said...

Screw what everyone else thinks. Do what makes YOU happy. Since I've been out I havent hid it... hell I find myself throwing the phrase my girlfriend and I... in random conversations just to see people's reactions..I'm often an instigator like that. I hate how closed minded so many people are...I feel like times are changing and things are progressing and too many damn folks are missing the boat and getting left in the stone ages...

I hope this new approach works for you, just be patient with A...it's going to be more difficult for her I imagine

Queen of Ruckus said...

Wow. I love this blog. You know, yes I agree with everyone on here when they say that you shouldn't care about what people will think, or do think, or will feel or do feel... if we as fabulous Gay people want change, then WE have to start it and KEEP at it. I wrote about how it seems we have gone "underground" in one of my first posts, and I feel it's just plain sad. I mean, straight people don't have to worry or think about whether or not they can hold hands in public or hug in public. Why? Because it's the social norm. How do we, as Gay people get to that point? By being brave and doing simple things such as holding hands in public, hugging in public and just acting NORMAL in public! Why should we all still be afraid as to what others think? I applaud you! I think it's wonderful and I do wish you luck in this. :) A little "PDA" will do us all some good.

Mel's Way or No Way said...

Thanks to everyone for your support. I don't plan to be doing any making out in public, even though I know Tommy and a few others would encourage it. I think A is a litle surprised at my change in attitude. She wonders what has happened to her sweet little gf.

So Rocket, How much muscle do you think I'll need? Ang will be great back-up but no one will take her seriosly if she shows up in her Snuggie. :)

jelly said...

i agree with tommy...do what makes you and your partner comfortable.